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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22480042">spreading you open ( is the only way )</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley'>smartbuckley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arguments, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Eddie Diaz/Shannon Diaz, Mentions of Evan "Buck" Buckley/Others, unhealthy coping methods</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:35:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22480042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick look at Buck and Eddie as friends with benefits before all hell breaks loose. Takes place throughout season two and three. Mentions the truck pinning Buck, Shannon's death, the embolism, the tsunami, street fighting and lawsuit before the two make their way back to one another.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>251</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>9-1-1 Server Gift Exchange 2019</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>spreading you open ( is the only way )</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elora_Lane/gifts">Elora_Lane</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was written for KT - who was bellamysblakes100 on tumblr, and Bellamys_Blakes here but alas, I can't find them. So, KT, if you find this, I hope you enjoy it.</p><p>No real warnings apply, I don't think, but let me know if you feel otherwise.</p><p>Lastly, please listen to <i>Fine Line</i> by Harry Styles reading this because...oof. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first time it had happened, the friendship between Buck and Eddie was still pretty new. Eddie had only been with the 118 less than a month, and Buck -- Buck had been missing Abby and horny as hell and had said something jokingly, which only caused Eddie to stare at Buck with wide eyes, confusion and </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> running through him. Buck had thought right then and there that he had fucked up, that their new friendship was already over before it could get truly started, all because Buck had jokingly suggested a romp in bed, but then Eddie --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie was surging forward, kissing him and Buck was frozen in surprise before he got with the program, hands coming to rest against Eddie’s cheeks, pulling him closer, mouth opening against Eddie’s, a moan slipping free as the two of them made their way to Buck’s couch -- or well, Abby’s couch. But that was something Buck didn’t want to think about as Eddie made him come undone in a way he hadn’t in </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the first round was done, both Buck and Eddie had found themselves panting against one another, eyes wide as they realized what had just occurred between them, before they surged forward once more, becoming a tangle of limbs for a second time, and then a third and -- Buck lost count, barely remembering how many times the two of them had gone once the morning rolled around, but feeling incredibly satisfied despite it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, surprisingly enough, there was no awkwardness when Eddie had appeared in the kitchen, not even when Buck had passed him a mug of coffee and grinned, and it was like something new had formed between the two of them that was allowed to grow and fester and -- change everything about their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it continued that way, as the months passed - though their relationship as friends grew stronger, to the point of being best friends, their relationship as something more also grew, though they didn’t put a label on it, if only because neither were comfortable labelling things between them immediately, and they both understood it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they continued being friends who had sex when they needed it, when they could, and they enjoyed it. Buck made sure no one knew, and that Christopher never became confused when he hung around the two Diaz’s, and everything was perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Shannon came back into their lives, and everything stopped, and Buck -- Buck felt completely lost, and he realized, as he smiled at Eddie and acted like everything was okay while Eddie tried to convince himself that he hadn’t meant to start having sex with Shannon and that it meant nothing, that Buck had fallen in love with his best friend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he pushed that emotion aside, just like he was raised to, and he acted like he was completely happy with just being Eddie’s best friend. Even when he wasn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even when he was with Ali, and Eddie with Shannon, he knew that something was missing and he knew Eddie felt it too, no matter how much they tried to ignore it. No matter how much they tried to keep the sizzle down between them when they were working together, or alone with Shannon not at the home that Eddie and Christopher had built with Buck’s help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They tried their hardest, and Buck --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck did everything he could to remember that Eddie didn’t want him anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Shannon died, and it got a little bit harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Buck was pinned under a damn firetruck, and told he might never work again and all Buck needed in that moment was the man he had fallen in love with but couldn’t admit it to - he needed his best friend, and his best friend’s son, but he couldn’t ask for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not when Eddie and Christopher were still very much in mourning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he worked his ass off, and got the help he needed from Bobby and Maddie, and then, when he needed a different kind of release, from Ali - and when she ended up leaving him like they all did, from nameless men that he picked up in bars and other public places.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when he was finally ready and able to come back to work - come back to Eddie -</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It all went straight to hell again, and Buck felt even more lost than before, which was something he truly didn’t understand, but also something he didn’t want to look too much into because he knew why he was feeling lost, knew who he needed in order to feel anchored again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the tsunami happened, and then he wasn’t allowed to work, and it was because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bobby</span>
  </em>
  <span>, of all people, and Buck knew he was never going to feel anchored again when he decided to go through with the lawsuit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because as much as it hurt, he needed it. He needed to feel anchored, somehow. Needed to fight his way back to the shore - to his family - even if they didn’t understand it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he kept coping the way he ended up coping during all the other traumatic moments in his life - meaningless sex with men and women that meant nothing, all while he craved his best friend. He kept it hidden from everyone else, not like they cared, because they clearly didn’t, and continued on his way, until he learned about the fights.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He might have been feeling lost and unanchored, but he knew that in that moment, Eddie was feeling worse, and he needed to stop the damage the two of them were doing separately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And so he had gone to Eddie’s on a night he knew Abuela had Christopher, and had knocked on his best friend’s door with a small glare on his face, hands fisted in his pockets as he waited for an answer, waited for Eddie to open the door and not just be a still shadow hovering nearby. Waited for his best friend to give him a damn chance, because it was something they both fucking needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it felt like an eternity later when Eddie finally opened the door, lip cut open and bleeding, Buck’s mouth snapping shut as he let out a huff of frustrated breath and forced his way inside, ignoring the way Eddie growled in annoyance at his abrupt entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here, Buck?” Eddie had asked and Buck had ignored the other man, making his way towards the kitchen and the freezer and grabbing an ice pack and a box of Kleenex before turning towards Eddie and moving as close as he could, ripping open the kleenex and placing a few tissues on his lip, frowning as he looked down at Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Telling you you’re fucking stupid for fighting,” Buck ended up snapping back, remembering when Bosko had come to him and told him what his best friend was doing in his spare time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How--” Eddie began while Buck snorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bosko texted me to meet up so she could tell me. Which, thank god she did, because apparently she’s your new best friend, and she gave me all the damn sordid details,” Buck responds back, still annoyed as he removed the Kleenexes that were bloody and tossed the small ice pack at his friend so he could place it on his lip and the bruise and --</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gotta ask, d’ya fuck her the way you fucked me or was that just a Buckley special?” Buck asks, moving away from Eddie and towards the kitchen to place the Kleenexes into the garbage, slamming the lid down as frustration coursed through him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jealous Buck? Even if I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> to fuck you again, it’s not like I could - you were too busy suing us for it to matter!” Eddie snaps back and Buck lets out a harsh laugh, shaking his head as he leans against the kitchen island Eddie has.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We both know that’s bullshit, Diaz. We both know you could have very easily called me, because there was quite a few weeks between the tsunami and the lawsuit. But no, I had to find out about Christopher’s nightmares through a woman who's never even met the kid. You just </span>
  <em>
    <span>chose</span>
  </em>
  <span> not to call me, and then blamed me when I did something that reminded you too much of Shannon leaving, instead of seeing it for what it </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Buck snaps, chest heaving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what was it, Buck, huh?” Eddie growls, throwing the ice pack down and stepping towards Buck, arms folded in front of his chest, anger clearly showing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was trying to get back to you, you asshole. I gave you space when Shannon died. I gave you space to mourn and move on and then when we all needed one another, you got </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Buck shouts, slamming his fist down onto the table before cringing in pain, “All I wanted, Eddie, was to get back to you and Christopher and feel like I wasn’t lost anymore,” Buck whispers, looking away when Eddie’s eyes widen, almost like he realizes what it is that Buck’s not saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck--” Eddie begins but Buck shakes his head and scoffs, standing up from where he had been leaning against the island and making his way towards the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dropped the lawsuit, and apologized a whole lot, and yet you still treated me like shit afterwards. And I’m sorry that you didn’t understand me as much as I thought you would, being my best friend and all. But I can’t -- I can’t continue to be in love with you and act like everything is okay when all you do is hate me for reacting how I did.” Buck says, opening the door and planning to head to his car, pausing in frustration when Eddie grabs his arm and pulls him back into the house, slamming the door shut and pinning Buck against it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Briefly, Buck’s mind flashes to one of the numerous times they spent the night together, but he ignores the memory and looks at Eddie with wide eyes, trying not to focus on how they’re both panting, chests pressed against one another, waiting for </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Eddie whispers and Buck wants to narrow his eyes and push Eddie away, but he’s frozen when Eddie just pushes forward and allows every inch of themselves to be touching, causing Buck to wish they were naked, and in bed, and he was being torn asunder, allowed to be free enough to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>float</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How am </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> the idiot, when you’re the one getting into illegal fights?” Buck asked, his voice softening when Eddie smiles at him and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together, the two of them breathing one another in without a thought of the consequences.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck, I’ve been in love with you from the moment we first started becoming friends.” Eddie whispers and Buck feels like his entire world has just tilted on its opposite axis and stopped all at once. He knows his eyes have widened, and his heart feels like it’s going to pump out of his chest with how fast it’s racing. He wants so badly to tilt his head backwards, to look at Eddie carefully and dissect </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but he can’t move an inch, and he has no idea how to feel about that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like always.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha---what?” Buck asks, unable to stop himself from stuttering the word out while Eddie lets out a chuckle that sounds almost hysterical.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But Shannon--” Bucks adds, feeling slightly confused as Eddie looks towards Buck with sorrow and something else that Buck doesn’t quite understand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I -- Sleeping with Shannon again was the biggest mistake I made, man. By then, I knew I was crazy about you and got scared and it looked like you were -- giving me the go ahead to try with her, so even though I didn’t want it one bit, I --” Eddie trails off, shrugging as Buck does let out a laugh, feeling hysterical at how well the two of them communicate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, we suck at communicating when we’re not on the job,” Buck whispers and Eddie lets out a small snort, agreeing with the man as he presses himself against Buck completely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, Evan Buckley, am completely in love with you. And -- I hate that it took me this long to get my head out of my ass and tell you, and that it required a tsunami, a lawsuit, and street fighting for it to happen. But I will tell you, over and over again, if need be. I love you, Buck. I want you in my life. I want you in my son’s life. And I’m sorry for running away at first. But I won’t do that ever again. And if I do, I give you permission to drag my ass back, man,” Eddie whispers, looking at Buck, waiting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck -- Buck sucks back a breath before releasing it and nodding and it’s like an entire dam just broke loose because without a moment's notice, Eddie is surging forward, hands on his waist, lips on his, moans heard as Eddie drags the two of them back to his bed and allows Buck to fall, knowing he’s going to be caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knowing that he’s safe.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are absolute love. Come yell at me on my tumblr, @smartbuckleystrand.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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